“My Favorite Things” Spanko Brat Version

I know, it’s been a WHILE since I’ve posted. I could rattle off allllll my excuses (some of them are quite good, too!) but instead, I want to give you this Christmas treat I created. Enjoy it, and rest assured that I’ll be back to posting regularly soon!

Pushing tops’ buttons and sharp witticisms
Stirring the pot and inciting mischief
Open defiance and all that it brings
These are a few of my favorite things

Super quick comebacks and standing in corners
Eye rolls and foot stamps and under breath murmurs
An impatient top getting fed up with me
These are a few of my favorite things

Tops with raised eyebrows and batting my lashes
Lots of “young ladys” and mad escape dashes
Angrily being hauled over a knee
These are a few of my favorite things

When the belt strikes
When the switch stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

(Merry Christmas!)

Spanking for Vanillas 101: Lesson 2 – Asserting Dominance

Ok, so, your partner is into spanking and you, being an amazing human being, wish to fulfill their needs. So, you happily take them over your knee and blister their bottom. You even administer a good scolding, because you read this post and got the techniques down. They’re happy, you’re happy, and you consider this whole DD thing resolved until their next session. But guess what? They don’t! You may be surprised to find out that the occasional spanking is not enough to satisfy most bottoms.

If your partner has asked you for a DD lifestyle, then that’s what they most likely meant: a lifestyle. Not a “once in a blue moon”-style. They want you to start acting in a more dominant manner and keeping up with their discipline.

PLEASE NOTE: Every bottom is different. Some may want a lot of discipline, and some may want minimal oversight. It’s up to the two of you to discuss where exactly on the spectrum you both wish to be, but I feel safe in saying that most bottoms want more than the occasional isolated spanking.

If you’re new to DD, your partner is going to be looking for some regular reassurance that you’re really in on this with them. Be on the lookout for little opportunities to assert a bit of dominance with them. (And no, I don’t mean become an asshole. Keep reading.) Here are some small actions you can take to reassure them that you’re in this for good:

Don’t miss opportunities. Little misbehaviors and conflicts will naturally pop up. I can guarantee you that your bottom will be hyper tuned in to how you handle them. Did she leave the towels unfolded again? Instead of sarcastically calling out “Wow babe, thanks for folding the towels,” or shaking your head and folding them yourself, call her out on it directly! “Cindy (we’re assuming her name is Cindy), come here.” When she arrives, follow up with something along the lines of “Would you care to explain what these towels are doing here?” If she’s not at home, text her a picture of the towels with the caption “We need to talk.” (Personally that would send shivers down my spine!) If you’re fortunate enough to have privacy, consider administering quick spanking right there, bent over the towels that she didn’t fold. Don’t squander these opportunities!

Check in randomly: If your partner is not doing anything wrong, you can just randomly check up on them and how they’re doing with following the rules you both agreed to. For example: “Are you exercising enough this week?” “Are you focusing at work?” “How’s the budget going?” etc. You can text them during the day occasionally (don’t overdo it though). Something like “Are you behaving yourself?” “Are you focusing on work?”

Be protective: If your bottom is going out, especially if they’re going out in what could be a dangerous situation such as running by themselves, ask questions for their protection. Set terms for safety. “Where are you going,” or “when will you be back” are good ones. With the caveat that if they for any reason get delayed, they can text you an update with no consequences. And if they are delayed and forget to update you… consequences!

Be playful: You can assert dominance playfully! If they jab you in the side to be funny, grab them by the back of the neck and playfully threaten them. If they’re being playfully sarcastic (“Wow, I didn’t know it was possible to score that low in Guitar Hero”) be playfully sarcastic right back! “Unfortunately it is! Come get over my knee so I can improve on my tempo and handwork.”

Be positive: Dominance isn’t always negative! If they’re being good, you can point that out.

If done right, just a few actions like this a day will reassure your partner and keep them in the right mindset. And whatever you do, be sure to follow through with any promised punishments – that might be the most reassuring thing you can possibly do!

Happy Spanking 🙂

How is spanking a punishment if you like it?

This is a topic that confounds everyone, spankos and vanillas alike. If we like to be spanked, how could it possibly be a punishment that would deter any kind of behavior? I tried to explain this to my husband and I’ve seen a lot of commentary lately about it on spanko Twitter, so let me try to consolidate some of it along with my thoughts. Disclaimer: I am a shameless brat, so I’ll be speaking from that point of view. I know there are other types of bottoms, and my reasoning might not work for them.

A connection like no other

Here is how I explained it to my husband: I don’t like the actual pain of the spanking, I like the dynamic. I like knowing that my HoH cares about me enough to uphold the contract. I also like dealing with the problem right then and there, instead of letting hurt feelings fester. This type of relationship forces constant, deep communication. No more cold silences and hurt feelings – everything comes into the light during a spanking and can be dealt with. Once the spanking is over, all is forgiven and the slate is clean. It’s an intimate dynamic that creates an intense connection.

Aside from that, I’ve identified a few traits within myself that might help explain why I like being spanked/living in a DD relationship. I’m wondering if these traits might be common to a large number of brat-type bottoms, but I don’t want to generalize. So for now, I’ll just talk about myself:

I’m a thrill seeker. I have a recent theory (which TheDismayQueen kind of hit on in this blog post addressing the same topic) that bottoms/brats might be inherent thrill seekers. From a young age I loved the game Truth or Dare, and always hoped I would be dared. The idea of getting away with something AND of failing and getting in trouble has always thrilled me. There is some perverse part of me that has always enjoyed skirting danger, whether it’s riding a horse at breakneck speed down a narrow drop off trail on the side of a mountain during a thunderstorm in Mexico (yes I did that) or continuing to brat an irate top whose spanking hand is twitching. I feel ALIVE when I’m pushing the boundaries and taking a risk. I revel in casting common sense to the side and daring the universe to do something about it. Now, when the universe does do something about it and I actually have to suffer consequences for my actions, do I enjoy it? No! But I can only get that thrill by rolling the dice. It’s thrilling to live with the constant threat/possibility of a spanking.

I’m prone to brooding. I don’t know about you, but when I’m upset I like to drive around listening to angry music and rage-singing. When I’m depressed I choose the saddest songs and wallow in it shamelessly. I can’t overcome the emotion without going through it. The playlists on my phone are organized into emotions – My top 5 are Happy relaxed, Happy hyper, Bad day depressed, Bad day angry, and Pensive. If I’ve had a bad day, when I come home I’ll let that frustration sit inside of me unless I can get it out with exercise and angry music. So naturally, If I do something wrong, I brood over that too. If I hurt my husband’s feelings, then he gets upset and decides not to talk to me all day, I brood big time. Even if I’m initially angry, that soon fades and then I just feel guilty. A spanking is a way of cutting the process short. You go through all of the negative emotions in one session, and then they dissipate.

I’m proud… and I know that I need to be taken down a notch. Look, I like to be right. I find it very hard to apologize, especially if I’m angry. I may desperately want to apologize, but I just can’t get the words out. A spanking knocks me off my high horse and humbles me so that I can apologize. It lets me realize I was wrong and helps me see the other point of view. It also forces me to let go of my pride and allows my secret submissive side to come out.

I enjoy feeling shame. That’s weird, isn’t it? I think it follows after the pride part. Once I’ve been dumped off my aforementioned high horse and I can see the error of my ways, glorious shame comes rushing in. I find it odd, because I’m not at ALL into humiliation. I don’t think it’s tied to humiliation at all – I think I like it because it pushes me into submissive head space. The more shame I feel, the more submissive I feel. And the more shame I feel, the more right the spanking feels. This is why good scolding is so important (and if you need tips on that, do your bottom a favor and check out this post).

Spanking offers everything

All of the traits and feelings I’ve discussed above can be indulged and satisfied by the dynamic created in a DD relationship. I get to flirt with danger, I am saved from my tendency to brood, I get help overcoming my pride, and I get shamed into delicious submissiveness. I also get a deep connection with my HoH that features constant communication. In the end I feel loved, cared for, heard, and purified… even if my bottom hurts!

Spanking for Vanillas 101: Lesson 1 – The Art of Scolding

One more thing. indoor shot of displeased angry european man with moustache  and beard, shaking index finger and frowning from displeasure and annoyance  | Free Photo

Any spankee will tell you that scolding is extremely important. As Jillian Keenan says, spanking/discipline is really a “verbal kink.” We bottoms don’t get anything out of just having our backsides tanned – we need context. And it’s up to you, dear top, to provide that context by scolding.

After my husband’s first time spanking me, I realized that he had no idea what to say during a spanking… because I hadn’t told him! So I typed this up and emailed it to him. I’m editing it for public consumption and posting it now so that it can help others who might not know. After all, I’m all about helping others achieve the perfect spanking 😉

Scolding is so important and so effective that many bottoms will tell you that a good scolding can be worse than a spanking. Personally, it’s very rare for actual pain to bring me to tears, but I can be made to cry just from being scolded effectively. So let’s get into it – here’s how to scold!

One of the first things you need to do is determine if your bottom has any particular trigger words or phrases. Being called “young lady” is one of my particular triggers. It makes me feel all sorts of feelings – dread, anticipation, excitement… it can be used in a joking way or very sternly in a serious way and it can have different effects. But no matter what, it gets my attention. So ask them what they want to be called when they’re in trouble.

Most tops also make the bottom call them “sir” or “ma’am” when they’re being punished or scolded. Questions typically must be answered with “yes sir/ma’am” or “no sir/ma’am.” It’s up to you if you want to enforce this with your bottom.

So, once you’ve established those things…

Here’s what to do during a spanking:

Be serious: During the spanking, it’s important to remain serious. After all, your bottom has committed a mistake or infraction and needs to realize how serious it is. If you have a scary “you’re in trouble” voice, use it! (Of course, if we’re just playing for fun, it can be for a silly reason “oh how dare you splash water on me, you’re in for it now!” In that case the scolding would be a little funny.) But if you’re actually punishing them for something real, you should try to be serious.

Set the scene: The spanking needs to start somehow. If your bottom knows they’re in trouble, they are probably waiting to be told what to do. So, set some initial context: “We need to talk,” or “I think it’s time we had a conversation about your recent behavior.” Then you can ask them “Do you know why you need to be punished?” Or, you can simply tell them: “You’re getting a spanking because you forgot to pay the bills on time again.” (Yes, I’m using one of my frequent mistakes as an example.) Tell them to get into position. “Come here,” “get over my knee,” “bend over the bed,” etc. You can tell them to remove their pants/panties, or you can start them off clothed and make them remove them later.

Scold during the spanking: The idea is to put the bottom into a frame of mind where they can see what they did wrong, why they’re wrong, and the impact of their actions. Some bottoms need punishment because they are inherently stubborn. Even if they are submitting to you, they may still be of the mindset that they are right. It’s up to you to divorce them of that notion! Your scolding needs to bring on regret. If they’ve done something to disappoint you, make that disappointment clear! Make the impact of their actions clear as well. Not just “that really pissed me off,” but “when you disrespect me, you’re undermining our marriage and you’re damaging the relationship.” Go for the deeper impact!

Prompt them: This doesn’t work for all bottoms, but you can have a kind of conversation as you scold. You can ask questions, or have them explain themselves, or whatever you think they need.

DO NOT insult them! Remember, at the end of the day, a DD relationship is about care, trust, and mutual respect. DO NOT call them stupid, dumb, idiotic, etc. Preferably, do not curse at them, unless you know that that’s effective for them and doesn’t hurt their feelings. I saw something once in one of Loren’s videos from PunishmentsOnly – he asked a girl why she was being spanked. She said “because I’m irresponsible.” He stopped right there and clarified that she was not being spanked because she was irresponsible, she was being spanked because she made an irresponsible choice. He further stated that she wasn’t being punished for a character flaw, but for bad decisions. I love that! So don’t punish them for their personality or character – punish them for their choices.

Have a conclusion: At some point, the spanking does have to stop. If you just say “there, ok, you’re done,” and let them up, then it really falls flat. You should draw to a conclusion with questions like “is this going to happen again?” “What do you think is going to happen if you do this again?” Or, again, you can use statements: “I don’t want this to happen again, young lady!” or “If you try this again, you’re going to find yourself right back over my knee!” Finish with a final round of spanks. If your bottom needs it, you can praise them after the spanking “You took that very well,” or “I know you’re going to be a good girl from now on.”

So that’s it. If it’s done right, we can be squirming and regretting our choices more from the scolding than from the spanking!

I know it’s hard to visualize without an example, so I wrote one up for you! (I’m awesome like that). This one is pretty minimal – you could add A LOT to draw it out and really make them feel remorse. But I figured we’d start with the basics:

Sample Script for Scolding While Spanking:

Example: not paying the bills on time. Here are some things you could say while emphasizing the lesson with spanks (bottom’s possible answers are in parenthesis)

You: Young lady, we need to have a conversation. It’s come to my attention that you missed the bill payments again.

Bottom: (Is either contrite or sassy, it depends!)

You: We’re going to have a long talk about this. Get over my knee, young lady!

Spanking commences…

You: Why are you being punished? (I didn’t pay the bills on time)

You: I hope you understand how serious this is. Paying bills late can affect your credit, young lady! (yes sir)

You: And this has happened before, hasn’t it? (yes) What was that? (Yes sir) That’s better!

You: From now on, you’re going to keep better track of the due dates! Do you put the bills in your calendar? (Yes sir) Do you get reminders on your phone to pay them? (Yes sir) Then why didn’t you pay them on time? (I procrastinated, sir.)

(Here’s where you make them feel bad for being so irresponsible)

You: I can’t believe you’d be that irresponsible. I’m very disappointed in you! You had every resource, every opportunity to pay those bills on time and you didn’t do it! You know better than that! (Yes sir, I’m sorry sir)

You: From now on, you will pay the bills on time, do you understand me? (yes sir) Am I making myself clear? (yes sir) And you’re going to sit down today and pay those bills, aren’t you? (yes sir)

(Alternate route: You could ask them to name a specific date and time that they’re going to commit to paying those bills. If they hesitate, spank harder!)

You: And if you miss any more payments, what do you think is going to happen? (You’ll spank me) That’s right, young lady, you’ll find yourself right back over my knee. And it’s going to be much worse next time!

(By this point, they’re probably feeling the burn on their butt and their conscience. So you can do a final series of hard spanks to drive the point home and then end with a conclusion.)

You: Have you learned your lesson? (yes sir) I hope we won’t have to have this conversation again.

Commence aftercare! Here is a good place to praise.

Again, scoldings can go a long way even without a spanking being involved. I find them especially helpful when I’m stubbornly insisting that I’m right and I need to be talked down from my high horse 😉

Happy scolding!

How I asked my vanilla husband for a DD relationship

This may come as a shocker but… I’m married to a vanilla husband.

I’ll wait for you to finish your gasp.

We have been married for 5 years, and I only, just now, yesterday, came out of the closet as a spanko to him. I told him that I wanted a DD relationship and tried to explain what that entails.

I wanted to write a post on how it went, since I know there are hundreds of people like me hoping to convert their vanilla partners. Maybe my story can help you, just like reading others’ stories helped me.


So, it all began when we were dating… I believe that part of what attracted me to him was his dominant nature. We had recently started having sex with each other, and I shyly told him that I liked being spanked. He didn’t react harshly, but he just matter of factly told me that he wasn’t into that. “I can’t hurt a woman,” he explained. And so, horrified that I had let him see that side of me, I let it drop. And I didn’t mention it again… for 6 YEARS.

Wow. Yeah. To be fair, we went through a lot in that time… marriage, a couple really hard years, and then having kids. For a while I was so focused on surviving life that I couldn’t even long for what I didn’t have. It’s like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – my foundational needs were not being satisfied, so I didn’t have the luxury of reaching for the higher ones. I was at a job I hated, my marriage was in constant conflict, and I was engaged in the constant struggle that all working mothers with small children face.

It wasn’t until recently that our marital problems stabilized, I found a better job, finished having babies, and started to make some positive changes in our marriage that life has seemed to allow me some breathing space.

Foreground (that works, right?)

As soon as I got that space, the intense need for a domestic discipline relationship came roaring back. I was shocked; I thought I had learned to live without it. I thought I had tamped that part of me down until it wouldn’t be a problem anymore. After all, I knew my husband was vanilla and definitely NOT into spanking. I had accepted that I would never get that from him. So I was both surprised and dismayed when I suddenly wanted it more than I ever had before.

In response, I embraced this blog and picked it back up again. And I discovered something that changed my life… spanko Twitter! I have never used Twitter before, but when I realized that Loren of PunishmentsOnly was on it, I decided to take a look. And from there I went down the rabbit hole – I quickly followed hundreds of fellow spankos in all kinds of situations. Some live the lifestyle 24/7 and attend spanking parties every weekend. Some are in relationships with fellow spankos and their lives are full of smacked bottoms. Some are single but long for their spanking soulmate. But the ones that resonated most with me were those like myself – spanko women married to vanilla husbands.

It was then that I discovered something shocking – some of them had come out to their husbands, and convinced them to live a DD lifestyle! My jaw dropped. “HOW?” Was the question that catapulted through my head every time I came across one of them. I started to message some of them, and they responded with warmth and kindness. They told me their stories, and many of them pointed me to Jillian Keenan, who I’d never heard of before. I read this blog post by TheDismayQueen about converting her vanilla husband. I couldn’t help but realize that my own husband had a lot of the markers that she identified in her husband as signs that he had the potential to be a HoH.

The Inherent Potential

  • He’s authoritative: This is true! Many people are intimidated by him based on the stern faces he makes. He is not shy about sharing his opinions about how people (ahem, me) should behave. He’s a natural scolder – the only problem was that he would save up his anger and then spew it all out at me in one long rant that would leave me speechless and feeling like I’d just weathered a hurricane.
  • He’s protective: In a good way, not a jealous way. If it’s raining, he tells me to drive carefully. He’s very concerned about my safety and not afraid of telling me to be safe.
  • He’s not a doormat: This was something I found very attractive right form the beginning – he will NOT allow me to walk all over him. If he doesn’t want to do something, he won’t do it. If he draws a line in the sand, he won’t move it.
  • He’s often fed up with my sh#t: This may have been the best indicator that he might like to spank me. Look, I’m the first to admit that I’m a brat. And I can be annoying. And headstrong. And impatient. And 100% convinced of my eternal rightness. I know I do 100 things that frustrate him, but he never felt like he could say much about them.

My Mission Begins

After discovering spanko Twitter and deciding that my husband just may be possible to convert, I spent 2 weeks living and breathing it and doing tons of research until I had convinced myself that I HAD to come clean to him. It helped that everyone I talked to urged me to do it – they had all been in similar situations, and they pointed out that it was important to be honest with my life partner. Eventually, I came around to their way of thinking.

And so, I did what all cowards… um I mean writers do, and I wrote him a letter. A 6 page, single spaced letter. There was just so much to say! In it I summarized what I thought had happened to us in the beginning of our marriage and why we don’t communicate well, then I led into a “solution” I had – Domestic Discipline. I told him how I had been into spanking since I was 5 years old and how I believe I was born with this fetish. I explained how it would work, rules and punishments and whatnot. And I begged him to keep and open mind and remember that I loved him.

In the meantime, while I was composing the letter and working up the nerve to give it to him, I went ahead and started treating him like a HoH.

I focused on being more respectful of him and more affectionate towards him. I listened to him more and tried to see his point of view. When he talked, I put my phone down and really listened. When he asked me to do something, I did it with no argument and no resentment. I thought of ways to show him I care. I pursued him sexually and we started having regular sex again for the first time in years.

And he blossomed! He became loving, kind, thoughtful, and affectionate. It was amazing! We started to text again just for fun (it had been so long)! We touched all the time in passing. He called me during the workday to check on me when he knew I was in a bad mood. It felt like we were dating again!

Of course, he didn’t fail to notice the drastic change in my behavior. He kept asking “Why are you so affectionate lately? What do you want?” I dissembled as much as I could, but after a particularly good session in bed, I mentioned that I had written him a letter that I needed him to read. I admitted that it was 6 pages, and he groaned but said he would read it. We did decide he should wait until the weekend, so I spent an anxious few days leading up to giving him the letter. I decided to record myself reading it so that he would have the option of listening to it on the way to work if he preferred. I ended the audio recording with “My biggest fear is that you’ll be disgusted and angry with me, soooo please don’t do that!”

As the weekend loomed closer, I grew pensive and sad. I wondered if I’d be ruining the peace I had so recently managed to achieve. I wondered too if I’d be sounding the death knell of our marriage. My husband asked me a couple of times what was wrong, but I shrugged it off each time and tried to put a smile on.

The Reveal

Finally, on Friday morning, I attached both the audio and text version to an email, addressed it to him, pressed “send,” and ran out the door to work. It was not the bravest method of delivery, but it got the job done.

And then I spent the entire day feeling nauseous, secure in the knowledge that I had ruined my marriage.

What if he was disgusted? What if there was no way in hell he could ever be ok with spanking me? What if he was disappointed that I’m not a strong, independent woman after all? Would this mean that he would be upset knowing that he could never satisfy me? What if he thought the whole thing was ridiculous and laughed at me?

Those questions and more ran rampant inside my head until 9pm, when he finally came home from work. He was cheerful, normal, and… he hadn’t had a chance to read the letter yet.

I was crushed. All the anxiety I had undergone throughout the day came crashing down on me, leaving me worn out and down in the dumps. “It’s not important to him. I’m not important to him,” my stupid insecure brain was whispering to me. I went to bed disheartened. I may have listened to “Hurt” by Johnny Cash on repeat for a while… it’s best not to say.

The next morning, he came downstairs and told me that he wanted to read it right then. “Wait,” I said, cringing at the idea of sitting there while he read or listened to it, “Let me take both the kids and run an errand.” And so, off I went, knowing that he would finally be listening to me bare my soul (he told me that he would choose the audio version). Strangely, I was no longer anxious – I think I had burned out my anxiety circuits the day before.

I put it off as long as I could, but finally the baby was due for a nap and I had to go home. As I walked in the door, lugging the car seat with me and prompting my toddler to come inside, I saw my husband on the couch. He looked at me.

“Spanking?!” he burst out in disbelief, laughing.

My face immediately turned crimson. “Yes, but don’t say it in front of the kids!”

As I got the children situated, he told me that he was only halfway through the recording. What followed was the most embarrassing 10 minutes I can recall in my recent history as he finished listening to it in front of me and made humorous comments in reaction to what he was hearing. The baby was now sleeping soundly upstairs, but my toddler looked at my face and said “Mommy’s face is pink!”

“It’s ok,” my husband replied, “soon her bottom will be pink too!”

I don’t know what color my face turned just then, but I’m sure it was many shades darker. I don’t believe I’ve ever been that embarrassed and relieved at the same time – he was reacting favorably! Finally, when he was done and I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t look at him, I went up to him for a hug. “So, do you still love me?” I asked shyly. “Of course!” he replied, and smacked me on the bottom. “We’ll talk about it when both kids are asleep.”

I can’t describe how happy I was just then. The worst was over – I had come out to my husband, and he wasn’t disgusted or angry! If anything, he seemed amused and happy. I counted down the hours until finally both children went down for naps. My husband didn’t miss a beat – as soon as I got downstairs, he led me to the couch and told me to sit by him.

The Discussion

What followed may be the most open, accepting, and honest conversation we’ve ever had. He assured me right from the start that he didn’t think it was weird, and that everyone has their kinks. Because he was SO comfortable with the topic, I opened up and shared how intrinsic I believe this is to me. I told him I’d been exploring spanko twitter and talking to other women there. I told him how I’d been discovering that many people were just like me, even down to obsessively looking up the word “spank” in the dictionary as kids. I shared some of what I had learned from Jillian Keenan. And he listened to it all! Was he angry that I had hidden this for so long? No, he assured me, he wasn’t, but he was sad for me. He wondered if our first years would have been different had I shared this from the beginning.

I hardly even knew the man I was talking to – over 5 years I had built him up in my head as this judgmental, irritable obstacle to my happiness. I hid more and more and communicated less and less, until not talking about things was far more comfortable and normal than talking about them. I regret that now, but I’m happy that this new chapter in our relationship will be full of communication… even if it’s mostly with me over his knee!

The First Spanking

It was then that it dawned on us that both children were asleep and we had a chance to try this out. My husband was surprisingly eager, and so we embarked on our first spanking together…

But that’s another post 😉


Granted, it’s only day 2, but I’m pleasantly surprised by how quickly my husband has embraced this change! Already, he’s taken advantage of his new power to put his foot down a couple of times with a well placed smack on my bottom. I foresee a long and happy life ahead of many well-deserved spankings for yours truly 😉

And so, what advice can I give to someone in my position? How can a spanko bottom convert their vanilla partner?

My advice is:

Make sure you’re both in a good place in your life and relationship to make this change. This may not be a good change to attempt if one of you is in a very stressful job, or pregnant, or undergoing any other massive drain on your energy.

Be honest about whether he/she has potential. If they’re inherently submissive themselves, it may not be possible.

Go ahead and start treating him/her like your HoH before you ask for it. Build them up!

When you do tell them, be as open as you can! I know it’s embarrassing, but it’s the only way they’ll ever start to understand. They’re not psychic and they don’t think like a spanko, so they need to hear everything from you!

If they accept, be prepared to go slow and be patient. This is where I am now – I know that he’s ok with it and he wants to learn how to do what I need, so I need to go slowly, not overwhelm him, and encourage any attempt he makes at doing this.

Conclusion to the Conclusion

If you’re in the anguishing situation of hiding what you are from the person you love, I hope you can come around to telling them soon. I can’t describe how free I feel to finally have this off my chest! Just go slow, be open, and GO FOR IT!

A Meeting with the CEO – Part 2

Why had she gone against her better judgment and accepted Scott’s invitation to grab a beer? The Strategy Director was handsome, charming, and easy to talk to – Ah, yes, that was why, she reflected grimly.

They had enjoyed a friendly rivalry for years, and were both secretly glad that their companies would be merging. She knew it was a bad idea when he suggested a celebratory drink in public, but she couldn’t say no to his devil-may-care grin.

“Who’s going to recognize us at a bar?” He had pointed out.

At the time, it had seemed very reasonable.

At the present moment… not so much.

“Do you care to explain yourself?” Jared broke in on her musing.

Jada took a breath. She had the slimmest chance of escaping punishment. Jared was tough but fair – he almost always gave an offender a chance to tell her side of the story. However, he did so by putting a lid on his anger and letting it simmer to a boiling point while his eyes drilled into her very soul. It was intimidating, to say the least. Jada knew she walked a razor’s edge.

“Yes, sir,” she began, “well, Scott and I had finished our meeting and finalized the proposal. He suggested we get a drink to celebrate.”

Her mind spun wildly for an excuse, or at least a good reason for going against Jared’s orders. All the while, Jared stared. Unable to meet his eyes, she focused on his arms, which were crossed in front of his chest.

“I uh, I told him it was a bad idea. But he assured me it would be fine.”

Jared raised an eyebrow. “And then you said ‘No, thank you, my boss would have my hide if we were seen,’ right?”

“Uh…” her shoulders slumped. She had no defense. “No sir, I didn’t. I went to the bar with him.”

“I see. So you have no excuses?”

Now she was looking at the floor. “No sir. I knew you wouldn’t approve and I did it anyway. I didn’t think anyone would recognize us.”

“And do you understand the consequences of your selfish decision for this company?” Now his anger was starting to seep into his voice.

She couldn’t speak; it was too horrible to say. She nodded instead, hoping that would suffice.

He slammed his hand down on his desk suddenly, making her flinch. “This puts the merger in jeopardy, Jada! And it’s scared our shareholders – our stock has already fallen 20%!” Jared’s voice rose as he went on, so that by the last word he was shouting.

“No one was supposed to know about the merger until the details were finalized! You KNEW that!” Now he was truly furious.

“Yes sir, I’m sorry.” Jada could feel tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. How could she have been so stupid? She had put the merger at risk and harmed the company. This affected everyone. She had never felt more selfish and ashamed.

Jared stared at her a while longer, silently fuming. When he spoke again, his voice was a normal volume. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, young lady. You haven’t made this bad of a decision in… well, ever! I thought I could count on you to be sensible!”

Jada sniffed. “You can, sir. I’m so sorry, I promise it will never happen again!”

Jared chuckled mirthlessly. “Oh, we’re going to make damn sure of that.”

Jada gulped.

The first punishment spanking I ever got as an adult

Ah, I remember it well… I was 19 and in college. I had my first boyfriend ever, and while we experimented A LOT, I had a hard time revealing my secret love of spanking to him.

One time he had to go on some kind of trip – I can’t remember where or for what – so he was out of town for a couple of weeks. Of course, I pined after him like you can only pine after your first serious love, and I hung out with our friends to distract myself.

One night we were drinking in my friend’s dorm room. I generally get crazier the more I drink, so I was being ridiculous. Our dorm was a high rise and we were on the 10th floor. The building was super old, built before safety regulations, so the windows actually slid to the side to open all the way – literally nothing to stop you from jumping or falling out. In my drunken state, I laid on my back on the bed in front of the window and started playing with kleenex. I would take a kleenex, put it over my face, then blow a quick puff of air to make it fly up. Then it would get sucked out of the open window. I found this HILARIOUS, but at some point decided that I needed to try to catch the kleenex once they had escaped the building. So I started leaning out the window, flailing my arms around to catch the wayward tissues.

My friends freaked out, and my friend’s boyfriend pulled me back in. Of course, I had to be restrained a few more times (alcohol only accentuates my natural stubbornness), but they kept me from dying.

A few days later, my boyfriend was back in town and we were hanging out with those friends in the same dorm room. Suddenly my female friend piped up to tattle on how I’d “almost died” by “trying to jump out of the window.”

“You did what?” my boyfriend asked.

I laughed and explained that it was just an instance of drunk logic. But my friends were no help – they kept jumping in with “She was crazy!” and “I had to pull her back in 100 times!”

My boyfriend just said “I see. Come here,” and pulled me over his lap, right there on the bed in front of the other couple. I put up a laughable fight, because let’s be honest, I was thrilled!

He started to spank me over my jeans with his hand. Our male friend, ever helpful, asked him if he wanted a belt. He accepted and administered a pretty good spanking over my jeans right there with the belt. Our friends watched and laughed, and you could tell they were a bit satisfied to see me punished for the anxiety I had caused them.

After that I was amazingly calm and tractable and hugged my boyfriend for the rest of the outing. When we got back to my dorm, I jumped him for sex. He was amazed to find me incredibly ready to go! Unfortunately, I was unable to find the courage to tell him that that was what I wanted, and being a 20 year old boy, he failed to make the connection.

Oh, what could have been!

A Meeting with the CEO – Part 1

“So, were those the only things of consequence that happened on your trip? Is there anything else I should know?”

Something in his voice dared her to say that there wasn’t. Jada hesitated. She was being silly; there was no way he could know. A quick glance around the room revealed that her coworkers didn’t seem to think anything was amiss. She decided to roll the dice.

“Um, yes, sir, that’s everything,” she told him, hating how her voice hitched.

Jared didn’t look up from his laptop. As the CEO, he was constantly multitasking.

“I see.”

Jada permitted herself a slight sigh of relief.

“Would you care to explain this, then?” Jared asked casually.

He spun his laptop around to show her the screen. Jada’s stomach dropped as the image of her at the bar faced them. To her left, she heard Becky draw in a sharp gasp, then silence came crashing down. The moment stretched into eternity as the entire room collectively held their breath.

Say something! her brain urged.

“Ah, that’s… that’s…” she fished for words but came up empty handed.

“That,” Jared said in a voice so low that it rumbled like thunder, “is my Strategy Director, fraternizing in plain sight at a bar with her counterpart at our largest competitor.”

He paused.

“After I specifically told her to lay low and not give any hint of our merger to the outside world.”

Jada found her voice, but it was a weak little thing. “I- I-“

“You were seen,” he snapped.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could perceive the others making their way to the door. They moved silently but efficiently, trying not to draw attention to themselves. Everyone knew that Jared in a temper was not to be trifled with. Best to move out of his range until things blew over.

Unless, of course, you were the target of that rage.

“The speculation has already begun. PR has been fielding calls since your picture surfaced a little over an hour ago.”

The soft click of the door closing marked the sealing of her fate.

Every coworker on the other side of that door knew what was about to happen to her.

Jared had founded the company with a trusted team and kept those people close to him as they grew. As more people joined the company, only that inner circle had access to the high level workings. A natural alpha, his inner circle consisted entirely of women. Some looked askance at that, but Jared never behaved inappropriately or expected any “favors” from them. When asked, he simply said that women were capable of higher levels of thought and multitasking than men. And indeed, he treated them with respect and valued their skills. Together, they had built something to be proud of. Working with Jared was as rewarding as it was challenging.

The only caveat was that he did not tolerate disrespect, disobedience, or carelessness. Jada and her coworkers had long ago learned and accepted that anything less than their best would be met with swift correction.

For Jared, that correction could only come in the form of spankings.

(Part 2 coming soon!)

Missed Spanking Opportunities in TV Shows

Does this ever happen to you when you’re watching a show? A girl on the screen behaves like brat or gets caught in a lie, and the man in her life is furious, and you think “ooooh this is it, she’s not going to be able to sit for a week!” 99% of the time, the TV show writers are apparently NOT spankos, because I end up very disappointed :/

Such was the case last night when I was watching Dickinson on Apple TV+. It’s a very good show if you haven’t seen it. Emily Dickinson with modern music and lingo – I love it!

But in episode 10, Emily’s best friend is getting ready to marry her older brother. They’re kind of in love with each other, but in the end they decide that her marrying Emily’s brother is the best thing. The brother has been portrayed as a goofy, mostly clueless lovable guy for the whole season.

So her friend Sue is getting ready, and Emily comes to see her. She can tell that Sue is sad about what she’s giving up, so she leads her outside to prance around like they used to when they were younger. Unfortunately, Sue is wearing her expensive, custom-made wedding dress during the frolicking and it gets very dirty.

Later, Austin (Emily’s brother and Sue’s fiance) comes to see Sue before the wedding. He finds her crying and holding one of Emily’s poems. When he notices her ruined wedding dress, he suddenly transforms into an outraged authority figure. (This is when I perked up!) He’s incensed and asks her if she’s been inside all day getting ready like she was supposed to be. Sue sheepishly admits that she went out with Emily. Austin is furious and yells “Do you know how much I paid for that dress?!” Then he notices the poem – he’s aware that Emily and Sue kind of had a thing for each other. He strides off to go confront Emily and Sue pleads for him to stop, but he roars “Don’t you dare!” at her.

Austin storms through the house in search of Emily. When he finds her, he rips her a new one and declares that he is the man of the house (their father is away in Washington) and he is in charge of her. He bans her from the wedding and locks her in her room for the ceremony.

An enraged Austin harshly rebuking Emily

I loved the scene so much that I watched it again. In a perfect world, Austin would have first spanked his soon-to-be-wife, then done the same to his sister. Preferably together! Imagine a subdued Emily wincing as she sits on a punished bottom during the ceremony, and a contrite young bride walking down the aisle on her husband’s arm, who she has learned is not to be trifled with. What a missed opportunity!

I wish there could be spanking videos filmed with the same level of writing and screenplay as mainstream TV shows. Alas, for now they’ll exist only in my head!

Be still, my heart! (Or, you know, another part of my anatomy)

Ok, I found him – my perfect spanking match. I was looking for videos to satisfy my random spanking needs. Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time), I get in a mood to see an authoritative man give a hard spanking to a girl while lecturing her sternly. I loooove hearing “young lady,” “girl,” etc. I love to hear him rehashing what she did wrong and why she’s in trouble. And I like for the spanking to be hard and sometimes fast – none of that playing around and lightly swatting, then massaging, then lightly tapping. Come on now!

My search lead me to SpankingTube, where I found him:

PunishmentsOnly's avatar


He’s PERFECT. He’s stern and his voice is just deep enough. He doesn’t yell – he calmly lectures as he spanks OTK with a firm hand. I ended up watching at least 20 of his videos and they ALL gave me goosebumps and made my stomach drop (in a good way).

Here are some of the very specific things he does that scratch my spanko itch in precisely the right way:

  • The way he rolls up his sleeves while telling the girl over his knee how disappointed he is in her and how she’s about to be punished. Something about seeing a man matter-of-factly roll up his sleeves has always given me a thrill!
  • The way he calmly but authoritatively takes off his belt when needed.
  • His confidence – Everything he does feels very purposeful. When he pauses, you can tell that he’s letting the lesson sink in. There’s no doubt about who’s in charge!
  • The actual spanking technique – solid. You KNOW it hurts. And in the middle of the spanking he goes hard and fast, regardless of how much the girl is squirming around. He doesn’t even make an issue of the fact that she squirms – he just holds her down and keeps spanking.

This man makes me MELT. He’s a no-nonsense alpha male. I feel like he’s going to be playing a large part in my fantasies from now on…

He also kind of makes me wish I’d explored getting spanked by strangers before I got married. When I was younger, that seemed crazy and like a surefire way to get murdered. But now I wish I’d tried it out!

So ladies, if you’re unattached, maybe look him up. Or any spanko man that makes your knees weak. Obviously, take precautions, but seize the day!